I'm fucking worried for Sass now. That precious girly's crying badly & she's alone. My poor baobei, tear no more okay? Hugs tight. I'm always here. I love you.
I need to rant. I think it's better to let my feelings out than to keep it inside, having all sorts of thoughts & eventually blow up & die all thanks to the stupid feelings that things & people caused.
I had enough of crying nights, since the day exams for you & I started. I never had a peaceful night, not even a peaceful sleep. I end up thinking & thinking of things I shouldn't be thinking of, worrying about things I shouldn't be worrying about. I hate it when I have to go through all these alone 'cos darling, I got used to having you by my side telling me what I'm supposed to do, how am I supposed to get over with it. But for the past two weeks, tell me what went well? First was you, I & us, then Miss Teh & the phone shit, then was the researches that almost drove me crazy, then was the common tests that almost killed me, then was PTM that almost get me into hot soup, now back to the beginning. I wonder what was all these for. To make me a better person? To make me stronger? It didn't. It made me threw my temper on people that I shouldn't. People like Sassy who kena all the time, Bestaye who tried to show care & concern, Qiaos who wanted to be there. I'm really sorry honeys, you do know that I love you nonetheless. It made me give up on a lot of things like my test. I practically just gave up 'cos my mind was somewhere instead of the books. I can't seem to concentrate. Each time you stopped replying, I'd stare at the phone instead of studying. See, it just took my attention like that. & I'm worried, I don't know what could have happened to you that side. It didn't make me stronger. It just got me realise how weak I was. I cried 'cos I was too weak to even take it. Each time the tears roll, I wonder why did I even cry when no cares? The more I shouldn't care, I thought. But I couldn't stop the tears, I'm weak, I admit I was.
I know exam periods are so common & such arguements & al are gonna happen each time we have exams. I hate exam periods, I swear. We'd spend lesser time together. We'd stopped having long hours on the phone. Each time I wanna tell you something, I'd think over if it's worthwhile to waste that 5mins to tell you about something irrelevent to you or perhaps, you don't care. I'd rather give that 5mins to you, or even hear you breathe in the phone. I hate it when we argue, quarrel, end up (ALMOST) shouting at each other. & hearts will ache, tears will appear. I don't like it, baby. You don't know how bad the ache was each time I hear you cry over the phone. I know it does make you feel that way too, when I cry. But baby you know I'm that sort who cry over the slightest things. I'm not strong, you know that. I'm weak like some fugly weakling.
Let it go was what they said. But no, baby you know how much I love you & I won't wanna let you & us go. I can't, I can't bring myself to do that. & baby I do need you by my side. Times when you were in the chalet, I don't like. Honestly, truthfully, I don't like it. You're so far away from me. ): & we haven't get to have a proper talk for so long. Sigh. I'm missing you so bad & Ihope you feel the same way too. ):):):<{Edited: 0934pm}
Baby called me just now & we had a talk. Told her everything, not everything, I haven't finished!!! & her friends were calling her. !@#$% But nevermind. :D We're all good now, almost I mean. We'll be allllllll good after we finished talking. :D Hee. I love you baby.
{/Edited}
5:15 PM
Mend this broken thing./
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